Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Compiling Tears with Raindrops

it's amazing how one soul could be drawn to another, how eyes reel in bate and attack it. That's how i feel when I'm around you. I hate you, and it's not to hard for me to say. I've never even come close to sharing such love with someone until you. I pictured myself with you far along the line, thinking we'd be for always.. but that's how we all think at this age-cleary. I was head over heels in trust with you that i could never imagine you hurting me. In any way possible, you would never do it. I was so blinded and now i feel like such a fool. Girls like me end up on Oprah, or Dr.Phil. I feel like one of them, when truly, i resent those idiots. I used to give advice to others like me, who were in love. Saying that it's fantastic and an incredible thing to have found, now i seem like a walking contradiction. "It doesn't exist at this age". i can repeat it a million times over and i know that i stand right. No matter what anyone says, i have felt the whip lash on my back with his words and actions that i don't feel any pain now. I guess, i should be thankful for that, but i feel empty... lost. I have no soul left... I hate the fact that you make me cry even if the tears never race down the rim of my frozen cheeks, i still feel liquid blind my sight because my vision is fogging up with tears. I don't sense fear, or pain, or forgiveness... I don't feel anything. The only throbbing aches i have are what's left of me, what you left behind. I should have known so much better than to believe you, but you're such a professional at manipulating me that i was ignorant. You claim to never have hurt me but trust me, you did. You cut me so many times that i got used to living with the wounds. I walk around trying to hide the scars you gave me, trying to find happiness. but it can never measure up to the happiness you brought me. I smiled EVERYDAY when i was with you. Every time the phone rang, every time i heard your name. Now everything is not as important anymore. Running away to a court, or a field is the only way i can forget because i concentrate on other things. Other "important" things. I escape the world that revolves around you so i could slowly, re find me. It's been at least a year and i should be back on track, but no matter how many poems i write about doing me, how many smiles i fake or how many times i say im fine, i really mean to say I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry i ever doubted myself.

Then. Now. Always.

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