Thursday, December 10, 2009


Where the silence was so loud it pierced my ears. Stuck in a world where i had no direction, no path to follow. I was a lost cause. I felt so childish, so predictable, so foolish. I was a distraught and typical example of someone i despised. i hate it, watching 15 year old girls mourn over a guy, for shits sake youre fucking 15. Thats ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. and i hate that feeling. I'd gained, gained so much that it hurt me until i was nothing anymore. I compared everyone, everything, every place and every moment, but for what? for the journey that in the end i could call, "love"? "Yeah, i loved, once. but its along story"... i didnt want that, i dont want that attention. i hate the type of attention, it makes me feel weak, like i've been beaten and used. I dont stand for that, but in my heart that had led me to it in the first place was exactly that... manipulated. betrayed. toyed with and shattered. It felt like there was no hope for me anymore, even if i knew that someday it would all wash over, it seemed like i could never be happy again. Never be as joyful, and energetic about love as i was then. I looked at him with awe and passion. There was something i saw that reeled me in, that today, is beyond my capability of comprehension.

Then, 2 years later here you come. here you've always been. someone who in the beggining was a person i would never want to be with. one of many that i stereotyped and filed away in my imaginary cabinet with a NEVER stamp inked across the folder. I guess your file slipped out... You were that guy that i warned girls about. a guy, who is simply being a guy and all he wants is a hole. whenever, wherever... my flag was waving, my red flag was swaying back and forth, so large and in my face that i couldnt see the beauty behind it... And so i peeked. and when i opened my eyes to you, i opened the gate to my heart. the gate that was shutting out everything and every one from my life. I was on lockdown, to even the most exceptional of guys. Guys who i, had broken their hearts because well, its what i was taught to do. But you, you had this ease. this forbidden and midblowing ease about you... and now. i cannot wake up without you in my life. You are one in a million, and i say that with the utmost respect. there is no other word to describe you, but perfect. Your flaw is that you are too indescribable. you are that rare shooting star that comes every so often but only get to see once. you glide across my sky, lighting it up and filling it with hope and faith. You are my protector, the soldier i never had. You say the most beautiful things and lay kisses on mylips like i have never felt before. You are respectful and courteous... you understand my boundries and my limits. you comprehend what im saying with a single glance. you understand what it is to be me. We work so well together baby, and i want this for as long as i may have it. I want to hold onto this relationship with this type of ease for as long as i can, and i will hang on. I do not want to let go of you because you... you are what i've always wanted and its still a shock that you have been here all along.

your passion baby, baby youre amazing. you will succeed in no matter what you chose to do because you are born a star. you were born to soar with those strong and confident wings you have. youre so high baby it makes me want to fly beside you. you bring out the best in me, the best i've ever been. I am so happy with you that this feels like nothing else ive ever felt before. you are showing me a whole new way to love. those kisses... are like soft, warm cashmere blankets upon mine. you know the ones where i cant let go? those are my favorite ones. leaving you everyday is a tragedy but also celebrates the time that must pass in order for me to see you once again. your touch. whether it be your finger lifting my chin, or your hands contouring my torso, your touch lingers... i cannot breathe and i cannot think. i want you near me always. when you whisper in my ear the lyrics to songs; im lovestoned. your words trickle down my back and i feel my knees start to tremble. our rhythm, our pace and the way we are in sync with everything,i love that about us. i love how i can talk to you about absolutly anything even if it means hanging up on you. we have our differences, but they are what makes us so similar.they are what defines us from the rest...

i cant describe what i feel for you... but its a stregth i didnt know i had anymore. Its a feeling of maturity, on both our parts that makes our relationship what it is. I feel so much older and wiser that it reflects on how i treat you and how i want to be treated. you read all my signals and reach beyond my expectations. you are what completes me... and as stupid as this may sound and as naive as i may seem to be, i love you. and after that... there simply isn't anything else to say.