Sunday, May 15, 2011
I'm supposed to feel accomplished. I'm supposed to feel pretty and smart. I'm supposed to feel like nothing can bring me down. I'm supposed to be happy and excited to commence a new day, a new dawn, a new morning... but i feel none of this... I don't feel as pretty as i once did. I don't feel strong and built like i once was. I don't feel like leaving my bed, because its the safest place. Tears havent stopped yet... I dont know whats missing in my life, why i feel so estranged. I have the freinds, i have the family, i have the boyfriend,i have the brains... but yet i still feel so alone. I have it all, i'm on top of the world but i couldnt feel more isolated... I keep pulling myself away form the people that care about me. I guess i can say that its a constant build up of stress. Between school, friends, love life, personal issues and my future im constantly thinking and stressing out. I just want to leave for a while. Somewhere where my brain doesnt work and i can just be a vegetable... just for a couple of minutes. it would be heaven. & I miss him. I miss him so much. For a short while it was bliss and now im worried sick. Sometimes i tihnk its just me and my "new" habits of thinking negatively thats getting me down... i dont know. maybe i'm better off alone.