Monday, May 25, 2009

Unhealthy Transformation

I must have been real stupid. I guess by stepping outside to tan yesterday i had this cold rush stamped my body. My allergies got so bad yesterday that they clogged up my sinuses. There was no oxygen going to my brain and i felt like exploding. It was throbbing. I was in unbearable pain. my stomach was twisting and my shoulders paralyzed. I was suffering from 3 in the afternoon until 1 o'clock in the morning. I couldn't stand it. Little N wasn't about to help me-she's too young. Mom was sleeping all day but i don't blame her because she planned her HS reunion. Daddy heard my screams and moans and came to my side. He gave me water and calmed me down although my weeps were full of sorrow. He massaged my head and pushed the little demons out of my skull, but i still felt them knot themselves in other places i didn't know existed. I felt the tingle in my fingertips and i amazed me how everything was connected. I felt it in my toes. It felt like i was being transformed into a monster. My head was being squeezed and my nails dug into the mattress. My heart jolted and gasped for air. It was as if i was begging for oxygen. my last breathe. I woke up to find myself OK. I was so ill and in pain. I only realized this morning how hard my dad was pressing at the back of my head. I have bruises. And bumps. I feel the little air pockets everywhere. My shoulders are knotted into a ball of stress. The little knots are hidden under my shoulder blades so they cannot be touched.... I feel oh so very fragile and weak. I didn't go to school today. I am trapped in my cold body. I have just enough strength to write this. I've slept all day and woke up to finish a book. Bella has suddenly become a part of me... oh no!

Sincerely and graciously yours,


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